Trusting the Captain

My mom shared this story with me awhile back and asked if I thought it would be appropriate for her blog. I think there are a lot of lessons we can get out of it. So here you go:

When we were on the Alaskan cruise, we were going to get to see a glacier. The ALS has made me a lot wimpier about getting cold, so Alan and I found a corner where we could wait that wasn't on the open deck. There were really nice windows in front of us. They were all the way around that part of the ship. We sat by a mother and her daughter. The daughter was an adult, and kept getting up and doing other things. We got to see some gorgeous scenery. We even saw sea lions on pieces of icebergs! We had an enjoyable time. Then the captain explained that we were getting close to the glacier, and that he would make a 360 degree turn so that it didn't matter what side of the ship we were sitting on, everyone would be able to see. 

We got to the glacier, and Alan and I were on the side that was the farthest from the glacier. The mother who had stayed there for a long time got up and hurried to the other side of the ship. As she left she explained that she had waited far too long to miss it now. 

Actually, several people were hurrying to that side of the ship. At first, I started to panic. Should we hurry to the other side? We had waited for a long time. Would we miss it now? Then the daughter made a comment that really hit my heart. " Either you trust the captain, or you don't!" 
Those words really calmed me down. Why would the captain make a promise like that if he didn't have the ability or intention to keep it? Of course, we could trust him.

That felt like a message from the Holy Ghost to me. 

We had to wait for awhile, but eventually we could tell that the ship was turning around. Because we had trusted in the captain, we had peace of mind while we were waiting. We also had the comfortable seats that we had been sitting in without the crowds of people who had rushed to the other side of the ship. 

Those words, " You either trust the captain, or you don't!" have often come into my mind in the months that have followed. 

When I was first diagnosed with ALS, I wondered how I could go on living knowing that I was going to die. I cried that I was going to lose so much. I cried that so many plans would go unfulfilled. I cried that I was going to have to leave so many people whom I love so much. 
I have learned that I can live without lots of things, and that I can still feel like I have a happy and fulfilling life. I was so upset about losing the ability to write. This computer has made up for that. What has surprised me is how much I have missed scratching places that itch, and using my hands to get flies and mosquitoes to leave me alone. Those were things that I totally took for granted when my hands worked. 

I have also learned that when Elder Uchtdorf said that you do better enduring trials if you focus on your blessings, he was exactly right. We all want things that seem out of our reach. They might be good things, even righteous things, but if we only think about what we don't have we can make ourselves miserable and then we won't even realize what we do have that is wonderful. 

More than anything else, I think, I have learned that trusting the real Captain, even Heavenly Father, is essential right now. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Romans, " All things will work for good for them that love the Lord." I certainly do love Jesus Christ. That's an easy thing to do. Trusting is sometimes harder for me. 

I believe that eternity is a very long time. I think that this earth life will seem very short some day. I want to think back on this part of my life and be able to honestly say that I tried to learn the most that I could learn and that I finished this earth life in a way pleasing to Him. 

About a week ago, I started feeling really sad about having to leave my family in a short time. My breathing is getting more shallow. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid of what I will have to go through before I die. For a few days, though, I kept thinking about how much I love my family and how much I don't want to leave them. I started crying really hard about it. Poor Emily cried with me. Alan gave me a priesthood blessing. That helped. Since then, I have been praying that Heavenly Father will carry me. He has done that. I appreciate Him with every inch of my heart! 

Welcome Peyton - October 6, 2016

      

       We got to welcome a gorgeous baby girl into our family on October sixth!
We have a gorgeous new granddaughter! She has lots of dark brown hair, weighed seven pounds ten ounces, and was twenty inches long. Did I mention that she is gorgeous?
       Since we had our first child, I have always thought that watching a child be born is a truly special and spiritual experience. When we were having babies, they always asked me if I wanted a mirror to be placed at the end of the bed so that I could see what was happening. They don't seem to do that anymore. I don't know why. As I saw Peyton's perfect little body, I burst into tears. I thought of all of the prayers that we have said for her and her mother. They certainly had been answered.
       Then, I found myself wondering how anyone could ever see a baby be born and wonder if there is a God. I absolutely marveled that a body could be formed so perfectly.
       Then, I started thinking about where Peyton had come from! Our religion teaches that we have Heavenly Parents who created our spirits. We lived with Them and our brothers and sisters until we came down to this earth into the body that our earthly parents made for us.
       I started wondering if the spirits who knew and loved Peyton in heaven were sad to see her leave them. Here we are thrilled as we can be to have her with us. Are there others who are already missing her?
       Then, I found myself wondering what the next life will be like. We believe that when we die, our body does die, but our spirits go to heaven and continue to do important things. We believe that if we live righteously, our family relationships will still be intact. In my case, I look forward to seeing my mother and two brothers and two sisters who have already died.
        My ALS continues to progress. I have to wear my bi-pap most of the time. My breathing is getting really shallow. To compensate for my lungs not working as well as they should, my heart is beating faster. I am starting to wonder how much longer I have left on this earth. Have I accomplished everything that I am supposed to have done?
       I am not afraid to be dead, but I do worry about how much it could hurt to die. People keep telling me that most people who die from ALS die peacefully in their sleep. That sounds good.
       My biggest problem is that I don't want to leave the people whom I love here.
That, however, is not my choice to make. If I got to choose what happened when, I am afraid that I would still be in Reno attending high school. I have always had a difficult time with change.
       I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who wants to help us through our difficult times. I have asked Him to carry me so many times. I have been amazed at the peace He can send to a troubled heart, and the trust that we can have when we believe that He is in charge and is doing the things that are the best for us. I appreciate the help He has given my family and me.

Lessons Learned in the ER

When I was a missionary one of the things we did to prepare to teach was study and discuss some of the "questions of the soul" (where did we come from? why are we here? what happens after this life? etc.) so that we could incorporate them into our lessons and help people understand their purpose and draw nearer to God. For the most part I could answer those questions and use scripture passages to back them up, but there was one question I never quite knew how to answer. That question was "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" I knew that there was a purpose for everything and that those experiences were there to make us grow. I wasn't bitter by any means, but for some reason it was a hard question for me to answer because I didn't fully comprehend how a God who loved us do much could allow such bad and hard things to people who were doing their best to follow Him. 

Fast forward a few years and I've now been through enough hard experiences that I realize how much I have learned from those trials and experiences. I can see how they have been necessary to help me grow. 

In the past few days I have been able to internalize those principles in a new light and I hope that by sharing my experience maybe it can help someone else who is going through something hard. 

On Thursday morning I noticed that Jacob, my 9-month-old seemed kind of warm. I pulled out the thermometer and took his temperature. 99.8 degrees. High, but not extremely worriesome. He had just seen his pediatrician on Tuesday and had been given a clean bill of health, but she had also pointed out that he was getting four new teeth, so I kind of attributed the fever to that. I gave him some Tylenol and put him down for a nap. Then I left him with a babysitter while I went to an appointment. He ended up sleeping the whole time I was gone and a lot of that day. Over the next 24 hours his fever fluctuated from 99 to 101. I still didn't think it was anything too serious. He still had no other symptoms other than being irritatable.  But by Friday night it had gone up to almost 104. We gave him some Motrin and a lukewarm bath and then he fell asleep. That night was terrible. He woke up a lot and his fever wouldn't go down. 

By 6:00 in the morning Jacob was absolutely miserable and inconsolable. Jeff and I debated if we should get him to the ER or wait until instacare would open at 9. We decided it would be better to get him taken care of than to wait another 3 hours. 

I took him to the ER while Jeff stayed home with a sleeping Jeffery. The ER thermometer showed his temperature at 103.6 and his blood pressure was slightly elevated. Jacob hated having all his vitals checked. When the doctor came in he listened to his heart and lungs and checked his ears. His ears were clear but the doctor ordered a chest scan and a urine test saying he wanted to rule our pneumonia and a UTI. 

In the meantime Jacob was miserable and fussy. They came in to do his chest scan and of course made me leave the room due to being pregnant. They brought in an extra person and gave her a lead apron so she could try and keep Jacob still and calm enough to get the pictures they needed. I had to watch through the door while someone else tried to comfort my baby who didn't understand what was happening to him. 

After the chest scan they came in to draw his urine. As you can imagine that was not a pleasant experience. It didn't help that the nurse seemed kind of new and was very unsure of himself. He was unable to get anything to come out using the catheter so he left the room without saying much to me other than maybe he was dehydrated or there could be a kidney stone or blockage of some sort. Not what I wanted to hear! He came back with another nurse who had a bladder scanner. He checked and determined that his bladder was full and getting a sample shouldn't be a problem. Nurse #2 inserted the catheter and had no problem getting it to work, but poor Jacob hated it.

When all the tests were done and they left us alone to wait for the results little Jacob looked up at me with the saddest little eyes that seemed to be saying "Mom, why are you letting this happen to me?" I held him and told him I was so sorry, but he had to go through all these uncomfortable and painful experiences because it was the only way he was ever going to get better. As I said those words I had an epiphany of sorts. It hit me that this is what our Heavenly Father must be thinking when we have to go through difficult things in our lives. As much as I love Jacob I still had to allow him to go through the painful, temporary procedures because it was the only way for them to find out what was wrong and know what he needed to heal his sick little body. It was because I loved him that I had to allow these things to happen. 

In the end it turned out that Jacob was diagnosed with pneumonia. Luckily we caught it early enough that it hadn't gotten extremely serious. He is on an antibiotic and a higher dose of Tylenol, and while he is not all the way better, he has improved a lot. 

As I've reflected on that early morning trip to the ER I've thought of so many spiritual lessons that can be taken away from it. 

1. Heavenly Father doesn't allow bad things to happen to us because he enjoys it or doesn't care. In fact, it must be really hard for him as a Father to watch us suffer and be in pain. But because He loves us He allows us to go through these things because it's the only way we will get better in the end. 

2. I was unable to be physically present while Jacob has his chest x-rays, but I didn't leave him alone. I was still there on the other side of the door watching and making sure everything was ok. I left my son in the capable hands of the nurse and medical staff and trusted that they would give him the care and comfort that he needed. When we are going through hard times, Heavenly Father hasn't left us alone. He is still watching and He has placed people in our lives to help us and comfort us through the hard times. 

3. We ended up spending over 3 hours at the ER. For my miserable baby who wanted to get down and crawl, that seemed like an eternity. However, I knew that it wasn't going to last forever and that we just had to be patient to get the answers that we needed. When we are going through trials a lot of times it feels like they're never going to end. We can take comfort in knowing that they will end eventually. 

4. Jacob was given medication to help his body fight the infection and lessen the pain and discomfort. The meds won't cure him instantaneously, but they will make the process a little easier and comfortable. Our Heavenly Father has provided us with a source of comfort through the atoning sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ. When we face trials in our lives, the Atonement won't take those completely away until we have fought through to the end of each trial, but it sure makes things more bearable and gives us comfort and strength to make it through. 

As my mom has faced the trial of ALS over the past couple years we have gotten so many comments and questions along the lines of, "She is such a good person. I wonder why this is happening to her of all people." Well, it is my personal belief that while God has the power to prevent people like my mom from going through these experiences, he doesn't because he knows there is a higher purpose. I could have chosen not to take Jacob to the ER or not allowed them to give him the tests that he hated, but I knew that in the long run it was absolutely necessary to subject him to those difficult experiences. I hated it just as much as Jacob, but I could see the bigger picture. Heavenly Father can see the bigger picture that we can't see from our limited mortal perspective. That doesn't mean that He doesn't care or that He has left us alone. He is with us every step of the way. He hurts when we hurt, and because He loves us he will help us make it through. We may not ever find out in this life why my mom and my family needed to face this trial at this time, but there is no doubt in my mind that it's all part of God's plan for us. 

I am grateful for the privilege and blessing  I have been given of being a mother. It has helped me to comprehend a small fraction of the love our Heavenly Father has for each one of His children.  I am grateful to my parents for the unconditional love they show to me and to my siblings. 

 

My mom asked me to share this on her blog. I emailed this to my family yesterday.

Livy has been pretty sick the last few days. She has had a fever and been very moody. Last night I started trying to get her to fall asleep around 10:30 PM and was able to fall asleep around 4 AM because I had finally gotten her to sleep. It was a rough night. I haven't been able to leave her side (because she won't let me) for the past few days. Last night if I wasn't touching her, she would wake up and scream again. It made me have flashbacks to myself as a child.

When I was 3, I started having some horrible nightmares. In my nightmares witches or kidnappers would come to kid nap me. My nightmares were so real. My dad would often have to take me through the whole house and show me inside every closet and behind every door to show me I was safe. He said that he often worried something or someone really was in our house because I was so sure about it. I could describe the people in a lot of detail. My parents deserve a lot of brownie points in heaven for dealing with me. This lasted regularly for 3 years or so. Sometimes I still have those nightmares.

In my nightmares, I was always safe if I was touching my mom or dad. As long as I had my hand touching them, I would not get kidnapped. This lead my poor parents to having many nights where I wanted to sleep in their bed. When my parents got tired of sharing a bed with me (I can't imagine why ;-) ), my mom said she would hold my hand through the night and I could sleep by the side of her bed. Eventually her arm got tired of hanging off of the bed, so she told me that as long as I was touching her bed, I would be safe. Eventually she added a lighthouse nightlight to something that would keep me safe from being kidnapped. ****DISCLAIMER: I have apologized to my parents for all that I put them through.****

Last night as I was the mom holding my daughter's hand while she was upset, I lost it. I realized how much love my mom had for me to hold my hand like that all night long even when she was so dang tired. I then started to feel extremely sorry for myself because soon my mom won't be here with me on earth anymore. I started crying A LOT! It is weird because some moments with my mom's sickness I am okay. I understand that everything happens for a reason, and then other moments just hit me with incredible grief and sadness. This was one of those moments.

I kneeled next to Livy's bed and started to pour my heart and soul out to Heavenly Father. I asked Him to please take my Livy Lou's sickness away, to please help her feel better. I told him how hard it was for me to watch her struggle. I then told Him how hard life has been for us lately....how losing Jay (my Father-in-law), then losing my Grandma Niederhauser right after was horrible and how the thought of my mom going back to heaven soon too was too much to handle. I told him how watching her struggle is so hard and how I often dream of her being normal able to talk and walk. I told him that was a lot for any person to handle...but to have it all so close to each other was SOOO hard.

As I stayed there trying to get Livy to sleep, still kind of in the middle of my prayer, I thought about how Heavenly Father is my father just like I am Livy's parent. He doesn't like to see me struggle either. He wants to take my pain and agony away, just like I want to take away Livy's. Then, I realized He already has. Because of Him, I get to be with my family forever. Because of Him, this life is not the end. Because of Him, I not only get to learn and grow from my trials, but they make me have a better understanding and a more perfect knowledge of His love for me. Just like Livy has to experience illness to build her immune system, I need to experience trials and hardships to help build me....to make me who I need to become. It is part of life, part of what I agreed to when I came to earth, and it will all be worth it.

I am not saying that I am grateful for my trials, because I am definitely not to that point. I don't know if I ever will be. But I do know that I am grateful for Heavenly Father's help and blessings during my trials. He ALWAYS takes care of me. He ALWAYS loves me.

Sharing my testimony in testimony meeting is hard these days with a wiggly toddler, so I figured this could count for me for next Sunday. I just felt like I should share this experience. I don't know why, but maybe it will help someone else.

Know that I love you all. Thanks for reading!

Mandy

My Family is the Best!

       I have an incredible family. My maiden name is Willis, and I am grateful to be part of them! " Where there's a Willis, there's a way!"
       A few years ago, Deseret Book in St. George decided to stop carrying fabric. We went there to visit Mandy and Nicole, so we bought some fabric to make baby quilts for our future grandchildren. When we realized that I had ALS, Nicole suggested that we get the fabric made into quilts, and then let people choose a quilt as they had children.
       There was only one problem. I can't move my hands at all. In other words, I wouldn't be any help at all.
That's when my sisters got involved. Tyra and Roberta made Nicole's goal their own. They came to our house and started tying quilts. Tyra teased some of our children by asking them how many babies they are going to have! After that, she would explain that she really needed to know how many were going to be girls and how many were going to be boys. We have had lots of fun laughing about it.
       That was in March. My niece Barbara, and her daughter, Rebecca, also helped us. Rebecca hadn't ever tied quilts before, but she was a quick learner and a wonderful help. We had such a blast! All of a sudden, eight baby quilts were tied! Tyra took them home with her so she could turn them over and hand stitch the edges.
       Meanwhile, Roberta kept working on new quilts. She got several more finished.
       Then July came. Tyra came back from her home in Cypress, California with two of her grandchildren. She has to drive ten hours one way to get here! By that time, I had bought fleece and minky fabric to make blankets for each of our grandchildren who are already born. Tyra started sewing those. A few days later, my sister Shirley Anne came with a daughter and two grandchildren. My sister Mary came with her daughter. I don't know whether people sewed or talked more! We sure had a great time. We had our two oldest grandchildren stay at our house to play with their cousins. They had so much fun, and played so well together.
       I love and appreciate my family so much!

 Twenty tied quilts and ten fleece blankets:  A true labor of love!!

Graduation Day - Emily!!

                                      How did she go from here to here so quickly?

                                   We don't know how the years passed so quickly!

       When Emily was a baby, she and I would go into Trevor's kindergarten class and volunteer. We continued to help in classes, so by the time she got to attend Morgan Elementary herself she was thrilled. She took to school like a fish takes to water! In fact, our family has often laughed about her reaction to the first Thanksgiving holiday after she got to go to school. We had Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off. Emily was complaining about it on Wednesday. We explained that Thanksgiving is a holiday. She something like, " Yes, but today is not! Why can't we go to school today?" The older kids had a fit! They asked me to make sure that she never got on a school board. I questioned that and they said that everyone would hate our entire family if Emily got in a position to take away days off of school.
       When she was in first grade the report cards had number grades. One was the lowest and four was the highest. I was in the hall to meet her. Mrs. Swenson, her teacher, was leading the class outside. As soon as Emily saw me, she said in a loud voice, "Mom, I got a 3.75 and I don't know why." Poor Mrs. Swenson turned a bright red. That is, I suppose, when Emily started demanding high grades from herself. Our family had a contest to see who got the highest grades each term. Whoever did got five dollars from Alan and me. Whenever Emily did really well, Scott and Trevor would tell her that her classes were really easy. They would say that she shouldn't even be able to participate in the contest!
       We are so proud of Emily! She made some really hard goals. She wanted to graduate with high honors. She graduated with a 3.947! She didn't miss a day of school during the last six years! She decided when she was a little girl that she wanted to attend BYU, and she has been accepted there! Those are great accomplishments, but it makes me even happier that she is a loving daughter, sister, and aunt.
       Our whole family got to spend time together at lunch. (Scott's family went to his son's kindergarten graduation that overlapped the high school graduation, but they met us for lunch.) I really appreciate everything that Nicole and Jeff went through to be with us. They got to our house late Wednesday night, and had to drive back to Washington after we ate! That is a lot of driving for anyone, but Jeffery and Jacob make it even harder. Mandy and Andy came up for the Memorial Day weekend, and Mandy and Livy Lou stayed for a couple of days longer. We had such a great time together. There are days when I wonder how heaven can be any better than this, and that day was that wonderful! I love and treasure our family so much.

Happy Birthday!!!

Yesterday my mom turned 59 years old. I don't think she will get mad at me for posting that in a public place, just don't ask how old her twin sister is (sorry Roberta!) 

I called in the morning to wish her a happy birthday. She was still getting ready for the day, but my dad made the comment that there had been a lot oh honks so he was wondering if someone had put something in front of the house. When he went and checked, sure enough he found this at the side of the road. 

They live in a busy street that is a pretty main thourough fare that I would imagine almost everyone in their neighborhood drives down on a daily basis. They spent the day listening to the honks and being reminded of what great friends they have and what an amazing community they live in. We have no idea who put it out there, but thanks!

She also received many visitors, flowers, and cards. My dad talked like she had a great day. 

My mom has always done a lot to make our birthdays a special day. We would always wake up to a special breakfast complete with chocolate milk. (A treat we pretty much only got on birthdays and some holidays.) Then she would make a dinner of our choice and a yummy cake.  All our meals were served on a plate that says "you are special today."

This year Emily decided to carry on the traditional breakfast as best she could when my mom is limited to what she can eat through the feeding tube.

This is what she came up with. The container on the plate is her formula that my dad inserts through the tube with the syringe on the left. Then he flushes it out with the water in the cup on the right. Emily said my mom came out and saw it and laughed so hard she cried. (Her previous post is the perfect lead-in to  this. She's good at finding humor in things that could be sad.)

They had the rest of my family who lives close over to celebrate later in the evening. They said it was a fun day. Thanks to all who made it that way!

Happy birthday Mom! We love you!

Laughing Places

       Last Wednesday we went to the ALS Clinic. When we go there, we stay in one room and different specialists come in and talk to us. We see a doctor, a physical therapist, a speech therapist, a dietitian, a pharmacist, a respiratory therapist, and representatives from the ALS Association and the Muscular Dystrophy Association. (It takes most of the day.)
       Alan, Roberta, and I all went. They are very helpful and professional, but sitting in one place and answering a whole bunch of questions can get a little monotonous, unless you make your own fun. Someone came in and asked if I ever laugh inappropriately. (Apparently ALS can make you laugh and cry when you shouldn't.) I took one look at Roberta and started to giggle. I probably didn't need to even answer after that, but I said with my computer, "Yes, but I always have."
       Roberta has been incredibly supportive to me, and this time she backed me up with a story. We bought a car to share after we graduated from college. We wanted to save money, and we found that a car with a clutch was cheaper than a car with an automatic transmission. I didn't know how to drive a stick shift, but Roberta did and she said she would teach me.
        When it came time for my first lesson, we went to a little country road where we didn't think there would be any traffic. Everything went smoothly until we switched seats and I started driving. Then it was time to go up a hill with a stop sign. I couldn't figure out how to get the car to go again after I stopped! Suddenly, a car was behind me! That really added unwanted pressure! I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but we ended up in a ditch! That's when I started laughing. Actually, I think crying or swearing would have been worse. The people behind us were very nice. They helped push us out of the ditch! For some reason, Roberta decided that she didn't want to teach me how to drive a stick shift after all!:) Roberta drove home. Aunt June was there, and she offered to go driving with me. I thought that was very kind, but by that time I felt like I'd do better if I wasn't worried about scaring someone else. I went back out and taught myself how to drive a stick shift.
       When I was asked if I ever laugh inappropriately, my mind went to an entirely different experience. I thought of a time when we were in a junior high school German class. Neither Roberta nor I liked the teacher. We thought he was partial to the boys in the class. He seemed to give grades based upon whether or not he liked you. He called everyone by their last names, which we thought was rude. He would look at me, ask a question, and say, " Willis." I would look back at him, and wait for him to say a first name. More often than not, he would say, " Roberta," and then she would answer his question. That seemed to frustrate him a little. We thought he deserved it for not learning our first names. We had him for three years,  and he never did figure them out! We never have looked alike.
       Anyway, Dena Kopp was a lifelong friend of ours who was also in that class. I don't remember who had the idea, but we decided to see how many people we could get to yawn during German. All three of us yawned as much as we could. Then we waited and watched. It wasn't long before we had quite a few people yawning! Every time anyone would yawn, the three of us would burst into laughter! Mr. Asmus knew we were up to something, but he couldn't figure out what!
       If our mother were alive, she would call these stories "laughing places. " We think that she got that phrase from the Disneyland attraction America Sings. She used to say that everyone should have laughing places. As I have become more and more limited on what I can do, I find myself enjoying and relying on those laughing places more and more.
       This weekend was wonderful because Bryan, my brother, and Nathan, his son, visited. We enjoyed them so much! We listened  to Elder Uchtdorf's Priesthood Session talk again. In it Elder Uchtdorf quoted President Abraham Lincoln as saying that "most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
       I think that has been the biggest surprise to me about having ALS. When I control the things I think about and keep my thoughts happy, I handle life better. Even though my body is shutting down, I have so many blessings! Because of Jesus Christ, I have so much hope! The assurance of continuing to live after I die is an incredible comfort to me!
       I certainly don't want to give the idea that I don't ever have down times, because I do. But I have learned that praying like crazy, and then controlling what I allow myself to focus on determine how I ‘endure’ the days I am blessed with!

Cherish Is the Word

"Cherish All Your Blessings"
       Jacob Alan Binder, our grandson, was given a name and blessing on February 14, 2016. The phrase that really stuck out to me was when his father, Jeff told him to " cherish all your blessings. " That has given me a lot to contemplate!
       I love the word cherish ! Years ago, the Lettermen came out with a song called "Cherish."  The tune and the harmony were so perfect that I loved it even though the storyline was sad. It starts out saying how much a boy cherishes a girl. Then it says that he knows that she will never love him back. That does not change the fact that he still loves and cherishes her. That song gave me the hope and dream of finding someone who would feel that way about me, only I was going to be smart enough to cherish him right back!
       What does cherish mean? To me, it means that you love and adore, that something is so important to you that it makes your life beautiful and worthwhile. It makes your life feel complete and whole!
This morning I woke up before Alan did. I laid in bed, and thought about the blessings that I cherish the most in my life. I have thought about them many times since February 14th, but today I want to do more than think.  I want to write about them!
       * I cherish Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I love knowing that They love and care about someone as ordinary and average as me.  I am so thankful for the life that Jesus lived, the sacrifice He made, the Atonement He performed, and the miraculous Resurrection that followed.  I truly appreciate the hope, peace, and purpose that I enjoy in my own life because of Him.
       * I cherish Alan. I grew up having such dreams about falling in love and getting married. Alan has made those dreams come true. I have been amazed as my dreams have become his dreams. He has helped me in everything I have tried to do. He has made my family his family, the important family traditions that I grew up celebrating have remained part of our lives, and he has always treated me like I matter. I love and treasure Alan.
       * I cherish the children that have been sent to our family. I remember feeling so tired and sick when I was pregnant the first time. I called my mother and asked her how she went through being pregnant eleven times. (I am the ninth of twelve children, but I was a bonus because I am a twin.:) ) My mother's answer was so sweet. She said, " You hold that baby in your arms one time, and you will never ask that question again." She was right! Our children have taught me so much. They have brought incredible joy into my life!
       * I cherish the family that I was born into. My mother is one of my favorite success stories! She knew how to do so many things right. I also love and appreciate my siblings. They have been some of my dearest friends.
       * I cherish prayers and the precious people who have offered prayers in my behalf! Those prayers have literally carried me through this ALS trial! If you are reading this, and you are one of the angels who have prayed for my family and me, please know that we appreciate you with every inch of our hearts! We cannot thank you enough.

Fun at the Zoo

Jeff and I decided to take our boys and visit my parents for Easter weekend. We planned to spend a day at the zoo. As it got closer I realized that they weather would probably not be ideal. I kept asking my dad if he thought my mom would be ok in the cold. He talked to her and they assured me she would be just fine. The day we went it was right around 50 degrees. I know my mom was cold, but I never heard her complain. She had fun watching the kids enjoy the animals. We also did an Easter egg hunt and decorated Easter cookies. I'm glad we could spend time with them.