Trusting the Captain

My mom shared this story with me awhile back and asked if I thought it would be appropriate for her blog. I think there are a lot of lessons we can get out of it. So here you go:

When we were on the Alaskan cruise, we were going to get to see a glacier. The ALS has made me a lot wimpier about getting cold, so Alan and I found a corner where we could wait that wasn't on the open deck. There were really nice windows in front of us. They were all the way around that part of the ship. We sat by a mother and her daughter. The daughter was an adult, and kept getting up and doing other things. We got to see some gorgeous scenery. We even saw sea lions on pieces of icebergs! We had an enjoyable time. Then the captain explained that we were getting close to the glacier, and that he would make a 360 degree turn so that it didn't matter what side of the ship we were sitting on, everyone would be able to see. 

We got to the glacier, and Alan and I were on the side that was the farthest from the glacier. The mother who had stayed there for a long time got up and hurried to the other side of the ship. As she left she explained that she had waited far too long to miss it now. 

Actually, several people were hurrying to that side of the ship. At first, I started to panic. Should we hurry to the other side? We had waited for a long time. Would we miss it now? Then the daughter made a comment that really hit my heart. " Either you trust the captain, or you don't!" 
Those words really calmed me down. Why would the captain make a promise like that if he didn't have the ability or intention to keep it? Of course, we could trust him.

That felt like a message from the Holy Ghost to me. 

We had to wait for awhile, but eventually we could tell that the ship was turning around. Because we had trusted in the captain, we had peace of mind while we were waiting. We also had the comfortable seats that we had been sitting in without the crowds of people who had rushed to the other side of the ship. 

Those words, " You either trust the captain, or you don't!" have often come into my mind in the months that have followed. 

When I was first diagnosed with ALS, I wondered how I could go on living knowing that I was going to die. I cried that I was going to lose so much. I cried that so many plans would go unfulfilled. I cried that I was going to have to leave so many people whom I love so much. 
I have learned that I can live without lots of things, and that I can still feel like I have a happy and fulfilling life. I was so upset about losing the ability to write. This computer has made up for that. What has surprised me is how much I have missed scratching places that itch, and using my hands to get flies and mosquitoes to leave me alone. Those were things that I totally took for granted when my hands worked. 

I have also learned that when Elder Uchtdorf said that you do better enduring trials if you focus on your blessings, he was exactly right. We all want things that seem out of our reach. They might be good things, even righteous things, but if we only think about what we don't have we can make ourselves miserable and then we won't even realize what we do have that is wonderful. 

More than anything else, I think, I have learned that trusting the real Captain, even Heavenly Father, is essential right now. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Romans, " All things will work for good for them that love the Lord." I certainly do love Jesus Christ. That's an easy thing to do. Trusting is sometimes harder for me. 

I believe that eternity is a very long time. I think that this earth life will seem very short some day. I want to think back on this part of my life and be able to honestly say that I tried to learn the most that I could learn and that I finished this earth life in a way pleasing to Him. 

About a week ago, I started feeling really sad about having to leave my family in a short time. My breathing is getting more shallow. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid of what I will have to go through before I die. For a few days, though, I kept thinking about how much I love my family and how much I don't want to leave them. I started crying really hard about it. Poor Emily cried with me. Alan gave me a priesthood blessing. That helped. Since then, I have been praying that Heavenly Father will carry me. He has done that. I appreciate Him with every inch of my heart! 

Welcome Peyton - October 6, 2016

      

       We got to welcome a gorgeous baby girl into our family on October sixth!
We have a gorgeous new granddaughter! She has lots of dark brown hair, weighed seven pounds ten ounces, and was twenty inches long. Did I mention that she is gorgeous?
       Since we had our first child, I have always thought that watching a child be born is a truly special and spiritual experience. When we were having babies, they always asked me if I wanted a mirror to be placed at the end of the bed so that I could see what was happening. They don't seem to do that anymore. I don't know why. As I saw Peyton's perfect little body, I burst into tears. I thought of all of the prayers that we have said for her and her mother. They certainly had been answered.
       Then, I found myself wondering how anyone could ever see a baby be born and wonder if there is a God. I absolutely marveled that a body could be formed so perfectly.
       Then, I started thinking about where Peyton had come from! Our religion teaches that we have Heavenly Parents who created our spirits. We lived with Them and our brothers and sisters until we came down to this earth into the body that our earthly parents made for us.
       I started wondering if the spirits who knew and loved Peyton in heaven were sad to see her leave them. Here we are thrilled as we can be to have her with us. Are there others who are already missing her?
       Then, I found myself wondering what the next life will be like. We believe that when we die, our body does die, but our spirits go to heaven and continue to do important things. We believe that if we live righteously, our family relationships will still be intact. In my case, I look forward to seeing my mother and two brothers and two sisters who have already died.
        My ALS continues to progress. I have to wear my bi-pap most of the time. My breathing is getting really shallow. To compensate for my lungs not working as well as they should, my heart is beating faster. I am starting to wonder how much longer I have left on this earth. Have I accomplished everything that I am supposed to have done?
       I am not afraid to be dead, but I do worry about how much it could hurt to die. People keep telling me that most people who die from ALS die peacefully in their sleep. That sounds good.
       My biggest problem is that I don't want to leave the people whom I love here.
That, however, is not my choice to make. If I got to choose what happened when, I am afraid that I would still be in Reno attending high school. I have always had a difficult time with change.
       I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who wants to help us through our difficult times. I have asked Him to carry me so many times. I have been amazed at the peace He can send to a troubled heart, and the trust that we can have when we believe that He is in charge and is doing the things that are the best for us. I appreciate the help He has given my family and me.